Two Things I Learned From Ted Lasso
This article contains Ted Lasso spoilers.
Last year, we were deep in our second consecutive year of developing a marketing strategy with our second consecutive marketing agency. They were recommending various personas for us to try on. Ways that we could present ourselves in public.
One of their persona ideas was “Ted Lasso.” They suggested we be confident, positive, and supportive. We liked the idea, and I certainly liked the show. I felt some joy when I heard the idea because I wanted to be like the character. But how do I do it? I didn’t know. So, I decided to do some research to figure out how to be like “Ted Lasso.”
I spent an embarrassing amount of time on YouTube watching all of the great inspirational scenes from the first few seasons. Over and over, I watched them. What are the things Ted Lasso is actually doing that are so compelling?
I feel like there are a bunch of lessons to be learned from the show, but there are two that have jumped out at me. Since I have found them, I have tried to infuse them into the DNA of Geocene. Also, I try to infuse them into myself.
- Lead with vulnerability
- Be boldly loving
Lead with Vulnerability
I loved video games as a kid. In the spring of 2000, I was a freshman in high school, and I was looking forward to the most exciting day I could imagine. That summer, Blizzard was going to release Diablo II. I spent hours on websites and web forums reading rumors and expected strategies and looking at fan art and all the content I could find. I even scraped together some money from a part-time job to buy a Diablo II T-shirt.
And I wore it. The Diablo II T-Shirt. To school. Once.
The memories of kids laughing at me are visceral. I can still feel the shame. I still struggle with the message. “Don’t show the things you care about to the outside world - you’ll get hurt.”
Now, I’ve got a 4-year-old. He’ll happily wear a shirt with a picture of a train that says, “choo-choo” when he goes to the playground. Other kids will come up to him and say, “I like trains too,” and then they’ll talk about trains. It’s beautiful. I’ve realized I’m jealous of his ability to display his interests to the world proudly. To share them so freely.
I think Ted Lasso demonstrates a way to act like my 4-year-old in the best possible way.
Ted Lasso has the ability to disarm people and draw them in by starting difficult conversations with vulnerable stories about himself. He does it by opening with a story from his childhood when telling a hard truth to his team at halftime while simultaneously processing his failing marriage. He also does it at the beginning of season 2, when talking about growing from love and loss while in a press conference and asked about a potential on-field scandal.
I think I learned the wrong lesson in high school. I should not have learned that I would get hurt if I was vulnerable but that I would gain by being confident. People can have whatever reactions they want. Ted, for example, is constantly harassed and laughed at. He spends most of the first season being called a “wanker.” Yet still, Ted remains brave and vulnerable rather than shying, hiding, and being shamed. Perhaps more importantly, he also remains boldly loving.
Be Boldly Loving
Leading with vulnerability is this opportunity to be myself. It feels weird to write that now. When I was growing up, it was some of the most frustrating advice I would receive. “Just be yourself,” adults would say.
“Ok, cool,” I remember thinking, “but who the hell is that?”
Now that I’m a bit older, I’ve got a better idea of the things that are important to me. I do still enjoy playing video games, building companies, riding bikes, and other such fun, but I think there is something more. I’m the happiest when I’m connecting with other people.
I notice emotions in other people. I think most people do. I haven’t always known what to do with that information, though. I’d notice people feeling feelings, and I would react with fear. Naturally, most people who are feeling feelings and perceiving fear from others will armor up and hide.
I remember this moment from sleepaway camp when the girl that I had been flirting with was crying. I don’t remember why, but I do remember sitting next to her, frozen. I didn’t say or do anything. I was just looking at her and feeling helpless. Scared. Another camper was right there. The other camper said, “Don’t you hate it when you are crying and people won’t ask you any questions?”
It seems like a reasonable thing to hate.
That was such an opportunity to be boldly loving. Young me flubbed it. It is vulnerable to be boldly loving, and I didn’t know how to be vulnerable in that way. I did care about her. I wanted to connect with her, but I felt like I couldn’t share the things I care about with the outside world - including her. Perhaps especially the people I cared about.
It would have been worth it. It is a risk, but to be vulnerable in a respectful way is a risk worth taking. Not just for me but for them. For everyone. One person being vulnerable and boldly loving creates space for other people to join in.
A perfect example of this is during the Season 2 emotionally shattering Rick Roll funeral. There is this moment in that scene where I identify with the audience. That moment when they all bow their heads and retreat into themselves. At that moment in the show, I’m back at sleepaway camp with that cute girl. Frozen. Withdrawn. Then, this confident and boldly loving gesture from Ted invites the crowd back in. Invites me back in. Shows the vulnerable path. Once he does, It is safer for everyone to join in the support. Everyone feels connected.
This sort of thing isn’t just valuable when other people are hurting and sad. It can also be valuable when they are lashing out. Perhaps that is the most valuable time. Certainly, it’s the scariest to be vulnerable when they are attacking you. That’s when they’re most likely to hurt you in that vulnerable place. In Season 3, Ted Lasso shows us how to give a boldly loving response to an attack. He then follows up with a vulnerable show of confidence that builds connection with his audience.
The Vulnerable and Boldly Loving Manager
This vulnerability and boldly loving thing makes the most sense in romantic relationships, but I think it is highly valuable in every relationship we have. Most importantly, for this case, for the workplace.
Ted Lasso, the show, is a workplace comedy. In it, Ted forms relationships with his boss, employees, team, and with people outside his organization. This is valuable, I think, because it can be so tempting to think of vulnerability and bold love to be inappropriate for the workplace.
I feel an obligation here to make clear that ignoring other people’s boundaries is not boldly loving those people. It is not vulnerable and boldly loving to create an uncomfortable working environment, make unwanted sexual advances, or be manipulative. It is also not boldly loving to be manipulative. Generally speaking, being vulnerable and boldly loving requires understanding assertiveness. It requires being curious and not judgemental, both of ourselves and others.
So, I return to the point that caring about people at work is appropriate. Perhaps even necessary. As Daniel Goleman points out in the most recent release of Emotional Intelligence, “As we get further into the age of the smart machine, it is likely that sensing and managing emotions, particularly in relationships, will remain the one kind of intelligence that stymies AI.”
